Husband: I had a pretty intense argument with my wife last night. But she eventually came to me on her knees. Friend: That’s impressive! What did she say? Husband: “Get out from under that sofa, you coward!”
I recently read that 4,153,237 people tied the knot last year. Not to stir the pot, but shouldn’t that make an even number?
The other day, my wife asked me to hand her the lipstick, and I accidentally handed her a glue stick instead. She’s still giving me the silent treatment.
“Mom, what does the stork do after feeding the baby?” “He lounges on the couch, sips beer, watches TV, burps, and lets out farts.”
A man walked up to an incredibly beautiful woman in a supermarket and said, “I seem to have lost my wife in this store. Can you chat with me for a couple of minutes?” “Why would you want to talk to me?” she asked, puzzled. “Because every time I converse with a lovely woman, my wife miraculously reappears.”
“Are you out of your mind? What on earth?!” “What? Why? I thought we agreed to cast away our troubles on this Caribbean cruise!” “Yes, Roger, but that was my mother!”
