My wife keeps claiming she can read people’s minds, but she never quite manages. She’s more telepathetic than telepathic.
Ninety percent of married life consists of shouting “What?” from different rooms.
I bought my wife a mood ring. When she’s in a good mood, it turns blue. When she’s in a bad mood, it leaves a huge red spot on the middle of my forehead.
What’s the best gift for a man who already has everything? A wife. She’ll explain how everything works.
Marriage is akin to having a best friend who can’t recall anything you say.
